Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
