FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
