Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My vagina is officially offended.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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