Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
