He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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