just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
