I don't usually arrange sex via text message
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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