Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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