1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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