hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
