your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
