i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
