I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
