I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize