I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
