I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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