I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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