Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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