Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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