i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
