Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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