I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
