How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
