I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
