We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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