Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
