...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
