I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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