i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
