what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
