I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
