I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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