The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize