Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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