I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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