Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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