last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize