So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
