My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
