he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
