Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
