It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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