You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
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you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
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I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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