pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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