my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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