please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
