My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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