woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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