I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
cat food counts as protein by the way
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
