So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
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and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
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We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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