it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
