rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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