i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
