I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
