Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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