i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize