u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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