I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
